Thursday, June 16, 2011

Life... In my mind!!

Hola Gorgeous Hippies!!

I meant to get this post up yesterday but time just slipped away.

I have decided to suspend today's WTW to do something a little different. Talk... yep I know what you are probably thinking... holy shit this girl is going to talk again *exasperated sigh*. Well yes I am because I figured that you should get a little glimpse into what it is like to live in my head. My insecure, crazy,  jumpy mind that strays between topics like a freight train between towns :)

I spend the majority of my days thinking about life and how I want mine to work out. It is a constant battle for me. I will picture life and everything awesome that I want to experience and create a mini movie in my head and watch it... over and over and over again... ALL DAY LONG!  I am getting better at trying to live in the present moment but man alive I used to be terrible and still am quite bad... my insomnia stems from this problem. I just lie in bed and watch this movie, which makes my mind race and it impossible for me to fall asleep.  Still... this never ending movie is beginning to cause trouble for me. I find that it is becoming difficult to accept and enjoy the things that I have because I am so focused on the things that I imagine that I could have. It is very frustrating. So I am going to be trying a whole bunch of random ass little things that help me overcome this ridiculous race track in the brain :)

My Future Life (Movie in My head)
In the movie of my life I own a beautiful cottage in the woods with a dirt path lined with wild flowers leading to a still lake with its wooden dock surrounded by huge trees. The yard is expansive with huge trees with a treehouse in one of them and a couple hammocks hanging from a few others. There is a greenhouse and a huge garden in the back and flower beds surrounding the whole house. I work from home as a writer / painter / photographer / artist (in general) and spend my days outside in nature just being inspired. I live with my best friend and in the colder winter months we live in our motor home just travelling all over. I am a huge hippie who is vegan and beautiful.

I can even picture my exact daily routine in this imaginary film. I want this life!! I want it so badly that it is difficult for me to even imagine living my life any other way. So...seeing how this is the life that I want... I better start taking steps in that direction that will take me to where I want to go but that will also allow me to fully experience all that I have now.

My Current Life
I live in a basement suite with a broken oven, a broken dryer, a muddy trench that I have to walk through to get to the house, and two extremely loud children that live upstairs. I work six days per week and 28 hours of overtime a month (on average...not including the two nights per week I am on call). I go out with Christy everyday (LOVE IT) and with my other friends (which includes Christy) three days per week. I eat one or two meals per day and smoke quite a bit of weed and cigarettes.
Even though I do not have the epic house or the motor home or have even began to work on my writing and art on a daily basis I am still currently very happy.
I believe that my current happiness stems from the fact that I have been really focusing on my spiritual awakening and spending quite a bit of time outside just connecting with the earth. I go outside and get high and just think... and am rewarded with clarity. It is fabulous!!

So.... there you have it... part of what goes on in my head :)
I'll probably update in a few months when I have decided on the things that I am going to do or have started doing that help calm my mind and help me live in the moment.

Positively Present is a good place to begin I think...

Anyways... I'm going to wrap this up... I'll have a new TiLT up in the next few hours as well :)

Love and Sunshine


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