I have always had a bunch of problems when it comes to dealing with my mother. I know that there are quite a few people out there who share this with me but man alive my mother is difficult. We work together so I see her everyday and it is tough. It doesn't matter what I say or what I do, or especially what I wear and how I look, she has something negative to say to me.
It is taxing and to put it bluntly she makes me hate myself.
I just want to cry thinking about it because I cannot wrap my head around how a mother could make her own child feel this way. I've tried talking to her about it and she just can't grasp the fact that she has done something wrong. She feels that she is doing what is best for me... she wants me to be like her. Just a few minutes ago she said this "I want you to be like me... you could be like me tomorrow if you wanted to." I tried explaining that I am not her, I am me. That however is unacceptable. No daughter of hers should have ended up like me.
The funny thing is... she doesn't even know who I am. She has never seen the hippie. The hippie is so far buried in her presence that when I finally show the real me to her...she will probably disown me, and honestly I don't know if that is a bad thing.
Should I be forced to live a lame ass cookie cutter life just because that was how my parents did it? I don't think so. I want to be able to look back on my life and think Hell yes!! Look at the amazing life I have lived.
Self-acceptance needs to become a priority in my life. I can no longer allow myself to believe all of the horrible negative things that other people say about me. It is not my fault that they can only see the bad and completely ignore the good. My life is about the good and I will do everything that I can to focus on that.
One of my goals is to be able to just brush off all of the negative things that my mother says to me and to replace them with a positive thing that I love about myself. To make sure that I follow through with this I am going to keep a small notebook with me and every time a negative comment comes hurtling towards me I am going to write down something absolutely lovely and beautiful about myself, so I can look through the book whenever I am feeling down and think alright look at all of these amazing qualities I have!!!
Alright my lovelies... this is now a goal for all of us. We are going to focus on all of the beautiful and fabulous and lovely qualities that each of us wonderful hippie goddesses possess. And we are going to love it!!
Love and Sunshine Always
Anie
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